The Denial Rule

I am currently reading "Watching the English" by Kate Fox. It's a fairly interesting book (if somewhat of a slow read) that discusses all the unspoken social rules of the English. Some of them I hadn't really noticed but once she pointed them out I did notice them.

One thing I had already noticed was something Fox described as the "Denial Rule." This rule basically says that when people are riding on public transportation they do everything possible to deny that others exist. They avoid speaking to and even making eye contact with others. Lastly, they also try their hardest not to draw attention to themselves. I noticed this right away because it's almost painful the way people avoid eye contact. To me it's almost more uncomfortable to avoid people so resolutely than to accidentally look someone in the face. God forbid we would acknowledge others around us with a little smile.

There are several exceptions to the rule. People might speak or make eye contact if speaking is required out of politeness (ie. "excuse me" or "sorry") or to ask for vital information. They may also share a brief moment of conversation to complain if something goes wrong on the train or tube. Another, possibly less "book-worthy" exception I've found is drunk people. They generally don't care if they are drawing attention to themselves and will try to talk to anybody. One time I was on the tube with a crazy homeless, drunk guy singing. I was trying to make eye contact with someone to laugh with but I got nothing. Everyone just kept staring at the floor - a perfect example of the rule at work.

In addition to the drunk exception, some people are also oblivious to the rule when they are talking on their mobile phones. They just talk as loud as possible no matter what the conversation. This is something I find particularly annoying and at one time someone even broke the rule and made eye contact with me and we shared an eye-roll over the loud teenage girl in our train car!

Because the behavior is so pronounced, it is painfully obvious whenever the rule is broken. Trains are especially quiet in the mornings because people are tired and generally aren't traveling with companions like they might be in the evening. However, yesterday I was riding the train to work and I happened to be sitting near 2 Americans (gasp!). The one guy was going on and on, talking very loudly. He wasn't just talking, he was one of those loud, obnoxious, belligerent people. I was almost embarrassed for him because I knew everyone around was rolling their eyes at him (in their mind anyway) and grumbling about the loud American.